Adoption Step by Step

We listen to the expectant/birth parent’s story. Who is he/she? Where are they in their life right now? Why are they thinking about adoption? What are their concerns as they consider adoption?

Most expectant/birth parents do not know much about the adoption process. We help them understand what their rights and options are in planning an adoption; we help them understand why sharing information about themselves will be useful for their child in the future; we help them understand that they have a right to have ongoing contact with their child and the adoptive family and what that could be like; we let them know that they are in charge and this is their child; and we let them know that making an adoption plan is a parenting decision and it must be what they feel is best for their baby.

We spend time with expectant/birth parents helping them to understand all of their parenting options — parenting themselves and the supports that are available to them if they choose to parent, having a relative parent, and choosing an adoptive family to parent their child. We help expectant/birth parents think through “is adoption right for me?” by asking questions about their goals, hopes and dreams for themselves and for their child, their current obligations (are they in school, parenting other children, working), their current living arrangements and resources. We encourage expectant/birth parents not to rush into their decision, but to take time to “try on” each decision to see how it feels for them. We urge expectant/birth parents to share their thought process with their families and friends so that they know whether there are people able to support them with whatever choice they make.

We ask expectant/birth parents to complete social, family and medical history information and to provide prenatal and hospital records so that we can get to know them and so that this information is available for the child if an adoption plan is made.

We ask expectant/birth parents what characteristics are most important to them as they consider a family for their child. We then show them information about approved waiting families who have these characteristics. The expectant/birth parents then choose the family they would like to parent their child.

We prepare expectant/birth parents to speak on the phone with or meet the adoptive family they have selected. After the expectant/birth parents have done this with our support, we ask them whether they would like to continue to get to know this family. If they feel comfortable with the family they have selected we proceed to making an adoption plan. If not, they can select a different family.

Once expectant/birth parents have selected an adoptive family, we help all parties get to know one another further. This may involve talking on the phone, via email, attending doctor’s appointments together, or additional visits. We also discuss what the expectant/birth parents would like to have happen at the hospital and put together a written hospital plan that includes who they would like  to be present at the delivery, who they want to care for the baby during the hospital stay, who they want to name the baby, whether they want the baby circumcised and who they want to be at discharge.

When a baby is born expectant/birth parents need time and space to rethink their decision to be sure that it is the right decision for them and for their child. We arrange interim care for the baby if a birth parent feels that he/she needs more time to make a decision.  If the parent wishes to parent their child, we support this decision.

We help expectant/birth parents understand how they may continue to have contact with their child and his/her adoptive family after birth and placement and how ongoing contact can benefit them, their child and their child’s adoptive parents. We discuss the expectant/birth parents’ wishes for ongoing contact—do they want to be in touch through pictures and letters, emails, online, telephone or in person?—and help them implement this contact.

We know that the grief and loss associated with placing a child for adoption does not go away and that birth parents need ongoing support to deal with their loss and to manage their ongoing relationship with their child and his/her adoptive family. Our counselors are available to provide telephone, in person and email support to the birth parents with whom we have worked and the children they are parenting—even many years later.