Photo Gallery & Adoption Stories

Before we got married, we had discussed that we both knew we wanted children and that my preference was to adopt. As a kid, I had grown up in a community with a number of international adoptees, including my cousin, and for as long as I can remember, I was interested. As an adult, with a decade plus of domestic nonprofit work experience, I saw just how many kids needed supportive, stable, permanent homes, and I knew we had that, plus a lot of love to give. Thankfully, out of love for and trust in me, Kyle was on board to have two kids – no matter how they came to us. After doing some reading (“Adopting in America”) and speaking with the Massachusetts Adoption Resource Exchange (MARE), we decided to get certified as pre-adoptive foster parents and joined Bright Futures’ Virtual MAPP training in summer of 2020.

The training really pushed us to broaden our idea of who would be a good match for our family. After learning just how disproportionately overrepresented sibling groups and kids of color are in foster care, we did some serious reflecting on if and how we could effectively care for multiple kids impacted by trauma and what we would need to do to support cultural connections if we adopted transracially. The other piece we had to come to terms with was legal risk – or our willingness to foster kids whose parents’ rights had not yet been terminated and for whom adoption was the plan but was not yet guaranteed. We wanted to foster-to-adopt young children, ideally who had not yet started Kindergarten, and learned that young children often are at legal risk. These were some of the toughest conversations Kyle and I had ever had over the course of our 10-year relationship; it felt like we were both setting the course for the rest of our lives and leaving ourselves open to a tremendous amount of uncertainty. By early January 2021, we had submitted our profile and preferences and started waiting for matches.

In mid-April, on a chilly day at a playground, we met our match – two young brothers of Puerto Rican descent, ages 2 & 3.5. Having been in care for about two years and living in separate homes for the last 6 months, they were delighted to see each other and were a little skeptical of us. Less than 2 weeks and 3 visits later, they were living in our house. To say becoming insta-parents to two young kids was a big transition is a complete understatement, but little-by-little we figured it out, built a roster of helping professionals, and established a family routine that was in keeping with our active lifestyle. Outdoor time and physical exercise seemed to suit them, too. We spent countless hours exploring the playgrounds of Greater Boston, taking our dog for walks in the woods together, and teaching them to scooter and ride bikes.

With each passing month and developmental milestone, both the large (potty-training, Kindergarten!) and the small (getting through a swim lesson without crying), we fell more in love with each other and couldn’t imagine a future where we weren’t together. Our older son even started to tell us, “I want to meet you every day.” Yet, as the months and eventually years ticked by, the legal situation and the boys’ permanency plan looked more uncertain. Our hearts sank every time one of the boys asked a question like, “Will I still live with you when I learn to drive?” or “Will I wake up with you every day?” and we had to say, “We hope so,” and couldn’t provide more certainty. While we were supporting open communication and relationships with their birth parents and wanted the boys to know their biological family and heritage, we could not imagine the impact of yet another transition. We were worried for ourselves, too, and spent many sleepless nights playing out “what if” scenarios.

Thankfully, in Spring of 2023, almost exactly 2 years after the boys joined our family, Open Adoption Agreements were signed, and in June, their adoption was finalized. We could move forward as a family – a family that included connections to extended biological relatives. This assurance of permanency and of togetherness brought visible relief to the boys. We could finally say for certain that they would in fact “meet us every day.”

Becoming a Family and Navigating Openness

As we prepared to become adoptive parents, my husband and I spent a lot of time wrapping our heads around what an open adoption meant. What does a “typical” relationship with the birth family look like? How do you evolve as those relationships do? What if they want to see the baby a lot? What if they don’t want to see her at all? There are no definite answers to these questions and I honestly loathed that. I wanted a clear road map so that I could do it right- be a good mom, be a good adoptive parent, be a good partner in this important, long-term relationship we were starting with our child’s birth family. What was I supposed to do with the abstract? I remember as we prepared to adopt being asked to describe our families. My husband talked about his parents, sister, and her family. I, meanwhile, wrote a multi-page essay about my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, parents, and siblings. I do want to defend myself here, I have a BIG and very complicated family. My mom’s parents divorced and remarried, my father died when I was young, and my mom remarried. This left me with 8 living grandparents and 2 great-grandparents when I started college. Growing up, Family was inclusive. Family meant everyone who loved you and cared about you, related by blood or not. My experiences undoubtedly shaped my perception of what a family looks like. I realized this was how I wanted to define open adoption to myself, those who asked, and most importantly to my child. Your family is big. Your family is complicated. Your family is more than the people who live in your house, it is composed of so many people who love you and care about you indefinitely.

When we met my daughter’s birth parents for the first time, I found them to be incredibly kind, thoughtful, and full of love for their unborn baby. My fears melted away because they wanted the same thing I did for their daughter, for her to know how loved she was.

Since that first day, our mutual love for A has been my frame of reference for our interactions. I wanted a place where our daughter’s birth parents could always access pictures of her and contact us. So, we set up a Facebook page for our daughter and her birth family. On that page we post pictures and updates every week or two, with additional posts for big events (when she rolled over for the first time, when she cut her first tooth, her first plane ride). A’s birth aunt noted on the page that she loves the updates and shares them with A’s cousins. I have also been in touch with A’s birth mother via text, sending her extra information and pictures when she reaches out.

At Thanksgiving, we were able to meet with our daughter’s birth parents, grandparents, aunt, uncle, and cousins. Her birth family welcomed us with a genuine warmth and kindness that filled our hearts. We got to see pictures of A’s birth mother as a baby (they look so much alike!). It was also wonderful to get to know our baby’s birth family better and to watch her interact with them.

I feel incredibly lucky to have the relationship we do with our daughter’s birth family. There are times it feels easy, like when we exchanged Christmas cards or when we talked about meeting up at the beach next summer. However, there are also times where I feel unsure. A’s birth parents separated and no longer have a way to contact her birth father. How will our contact with him look in the future and how will I explain it to A? It is then that I go back to what I want for A and what I hope she will come to understand about her family: Your family is big and complicated. But most importantly, your family is more than the people who live in your house, it is composed of so many people who love you and care about you indefinitely.

A Birth Mother’s Story

Crystal’s Story

In late 2021, Crystal was a 20-year-old young woman who was pregnant with her first child, a baby boy. She contacted Bright Futures looking for information on adoption and was connected with one of our adoption counselors. When
asked why she was considering adoption for her baby, Crystal explained that she wanted her child to have the kind of life she wished she had. She had struggles throughout her own childhood and felt that in her current situation she couldn’t provide her son with the stability, consistency and healthy environment that she knew he deserved. Furthermore, due to instability in her relationship with the father of her child, she felt that they wouldn’t be able to be a strong parental unit. There was no doubt that Crystal loved her son, and that love is what motivated her to move forward in creating an adoption plan.

One of the most crucial steps in Crystal’s journey was choosing an adoptive family. Crystal was provided several adoptive family profiles, and she carefully reviewed each of them. When she found L and B’s profile, she says that she was instantly drawn to them. She admired that they were very family oriented, had lots of support from their extended family and shared her own values. She says that although the other families all seemed lovely, she didn’t feel the “click” she felt with L and B. She felt eager to meet them and, when they learned about Crystal, L and B were also very eager to meet her.

Crystal, L and B met while Crystal was pregnant, and they seemingly did click right away. They shared many of the same interests and values, and naturally connected in a way that we often see in the matching process. As a birth parent counselor, I marvel in watching expectant parents and adoptive families meet; each person coming with their own anxieties and fears, and slowly watching that melt away once they begin to connect on all different sorts of topics, from shared pet names to obsessions over Star Wars. By the end of their first meeting, Crystal, L and B were laughing, sharing stories, and planning to meet again.

Not long after their first meeting, Crystal gave birth to a precious baby boy who they named Jackson. At Crystal’s request, L and B were present at Jackson’s birth and involved in caring for Jackson during his hospital stay, and all of them were able to experience the joy of his arrival and first days together. Since then, their relationship has grown stronger. Crystal describes her relationship with L and B as “inclusive”. They text often about various things such as Jackson’s development, his interests and activities, his clothes and what makes him laugh. Crystal receives numerous pictures of him, which she treasures. Crystal shared that whenever she is having an emotionally hard day, she will let L know, and without hesitation, L sends extra pictures and videos of Jackson to cheer her up. Crystal particularly enjoys when L sends a video of Jackson laughing because in her own words, “Who doesn’t smile at a baby laughing? It’s contagious!” Crystal also sends the family videos or links of things that she would love to see Jackson try, and they are incredibly receptive. This makes Crystal feel involved and validated.

Though it seems like Crystal’s experience reads as beautiful and full of joy, Crystal wants others to know how emotional and difficult it is. She described making an adoption plan for Jackson as the hardest decision she has ever had to make, but for her and Jackson, she says it was the best decision. She feels comfort in knowing that Jackson now has a large, loving family who will give him “the best life”. In creating this adoption plan with L and B, she has also become a part of their family. They just gathered to celebrate Jackson’s first Christmas, and Crystal shared how special she felt when L and B gave her gifts they knew she would like. It was a small reminder that she made the right choice in choosing L and B to raise Jackson.

I’m Pregnant

Child Is Here

A Birthmother’s Search Finds an Unexpected Reunion

An Adoption Search Story

A year ago, Bright Futures received a phone call from Carol, a birthmother who surrendered her baby and placed him for adoption in 1964. Carol said that at 78, she was now ready and eager to find him. The timing of being “ready” is always unique to the individual, but Carol’s story is one she shares with many birthmothers of her era. Ann Fessler, author of, The Girls Who Went Away, speaks in her book of the myth that women who placed babies for adoption in the era of closed adoptions moved on with their lives and forgot. Fessler writes, “In truth, none of the mothers I interviewed was able to forget. Rather, they describe the surrender of their child as the most significant and defining event of their lives” (Fessler 2006). Carol’s decision to place her son for adoption was not made freely. At that time, she had just graduated from high school and was employed, but unable to be a single parent. Her father contacted the Florence Crittenton League (“FCL”), and Carol moved into a maternity home where she lived “hidden” until her son’s birth. Months after Carol’s son was placed with a family, she wrote FCL a letter to let her social worker know that she was adjusting and had returned to work.

Carol did eventually “move on” with her life. She married and had a beautiful daughter, but she never stopped thinking about her son. Carol asked Bright Futures to help her search for him in hopes that they would be reunited and begin a relationship. It was not long before records sadly revealed that her son, Steven, had died in 2005, in an accident. His obituary described him as an outgoing person who enjoyed the outdoors, rebuilding old cars, and was beloved by his family and friends. He left behind a wife and a five-year-old daughter. When Carol received this information, she was devastated. She had not imagined that searching for her son would result in mourning her deep loss again.

Carol asked Bright Futures if we could help her contact her son’s widow. She wasn’t sure how it would go, but did not want to give up on finding a connection to him. She wanted to know about what his life had been. It did not take long to find Lisa, Steven’s widow. Lisa recalled her initial response when she was contacted by Bright Futures, “I was so surprised, happy and in disbelief at the same time.” She added, “We had always wanted to find Steven’s birth mother.” It was something that she and Steven had discussed early on in their relationship, and again when their daughter, Addie, was born. However, when Steven died unexpectedly, Lisa let that dream go.

Following several months of correspondence between Carol and Lisa through which the two women established a wonderful rapport, Carol’s daughter Kelly (Steven’s half-sister) had occasion to travel to Boston where Lisa and Addie (now in her 20’s) were living. Kelly, Lisa and Addie met and by Lisa’s report had a wonderful time getting to know each other. The biggest connection in this reunion, though, has been between Carol and Addie. Lisa described it as amazing and just beautiful. She added that Addie’s connection with her paternal biological grandmother has brought her so much joy and love. “They [Carol and Addie] have become very close. They FaceTime at least once a week and Carol sends Addie postcards and notes all the time,” she stated. Just recently, Addie traveled to California to spend time with Carol, also meeting a biological aunt and other extended family. Lisa stated that Addie’s connection with Steven’s biological family has given her daughter so much, especially after the loss of her father. “It’s been very powerful for Addie to now know that piece of her dad and to now have this part of our family in our lives.”

* all names changed to maintain confidentiality

And We Became 4

Dear Anirudh,

You’ve been with us for 1.5 years now but we have waited for you for 20 years. When Priyank and I met in college, fell in love and started talking about making a family, we knew that it should be defined by inclusion and love. Finally, you have given us a chance to do that!

I wanted to experience pregnancy and birthing. I was enamored by that during medical school education and luckily for me, it was a beautiful experience and that is how your elder brother Aarjav arrived. Initially, we went looking for you in India but the legal requirements meant that we would not have you with us until 12-18 months of age. We remembered how precious the first few months are for bonding and attachment and couldn’t bear to lose that time with you. So, we started a search in the United States. Two of Aarjav’s kindergarten classmates were in adoptive families, and they put us in touch with Karen Cheyney at Bright Futures. Karen has been working for 23 years helping form adoptive families. One of the things I love about Karen is that she is always focused on what is best for the baby/child. And we instinctively felt that to be the correct ethical position to take. She was able to guide us with empathy and experience.

The world was affected by the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020 and it had disrupted social life, schooling, work, travel etc. We had just moved into the suburbs. When we were in the backyard playing, our phone rang and it was from Karen informing us that you were born and that your birth parents were considering an adoption plan for you, and had chosen us!

We were thrilled by that news. We met your birth parents in Lexington Park by the Minuteman statue. They were both born and brought up in the Boston area and you were their first child. They lost their jobs and housing because of the pandemic and were unable to provide for a newborn. It was so nice to meet them both and we connected instantly. Your birth dad is full of life and has grand ideas. He has this twinkle in his eyes whenever he talks about his ideas. Your birth mom has an aura of calmness and quiet strength. It was hard and emotional for her to talk about the adoption but she wished for you to have “more than I can provide” and for you to “be whatever you want to be, have opportunities to explore the world “. We could see that they love you very much.

We spent the next couple of days running around happily collecting baby essentials such as car seats, swaddles, diapers, formula, bottles etc. and Aarjav helped us clean up all these things. He even put your crib together.

When your birth parents were sure of their decision, on September 17th, your interim care provider dropped you off with us. You were just 2 weeks old. The moment you came into my arms, Dada and Aarjav gave us both a big hug and just like that I felt complete. WE felt like a complete family. You snuggled into my arms right away and we all came home.

Next day, we introduced you to the entire family. Our extended family is in India and they spontaneously organized a video conference. All our cousins and their children (your cousins) joined in to welcome you. We told them our story. This is the first time someone joined our family through adoption. They were all curious and supportive and excited for us. The celebrations continued over the next many days. We had video calls with friends and cousins around the world, and daily video calls with your grandparents. All of them wanted to be here and hold you but could not do so because of the pandemic.

We had forgotten what a delight and a privilege it is to care for a newborn. You have these tiny hands and small arms that you throw up beside your big head when sleeping. You don’t like being swaddled with an arm stuck inside, just like Aarjav, and you prefer being held in our arms instead of being left in a crib to sleep. You are a gentle soul and wake up with a soft whimper when your diaper needs to be changed or you have to be fed, otherwise you sleep soundly. You always have a twinkle in your eyes. I love it when you gaze at me intently and our souls connect. You snuggle warmly, sometimes grunting, sometimes farting! Oh we love everything about you.

It was a big change for Aarjav. Until now, for the first last 8 years of his life, he had been the baby in the family, the focus of all attention and suddenly he isn’t – you are. His closet has been emptied, his bed has been moved to the other room. He handled these changes admirably and we are so proud of him. He is careful around you and gives you hugs and kisses every morning when he wakes up.

There is also a lovely story behind your name. We wanted a name for you that is timeless and meaningful. Anirudh means “unstoppable”. It honors 3 mothers: your grandmother had originally suggested the name Anirudh. Your birth mom had named you Dominic and we kept it to be forever a part of you. And your last name is from me, your Mama. In our times, it is common for the wife and children to take the last name of the husband and father. Aarjav took Dada’s last name without much thought or discussion. Later, when we realized how this naming tradition reinforces patriarchy, we decided to name our second child with my last name. We felt that this could be our way of espousing egalitarianism and emancipation. That sounds appropriate, given that Arya literally means noble person. And that is how you were named Anirudh Dominic Arya. I hope your name will inspire you. When faced with obstacles, be courageous and creative. When deciding on a course of action, be just and inclusive.

We have been able to visit with your birth parents and birth grandmother regularly and they are so overjoyed to see you every time. We look forward to more celebrations together as an extended family. You bring joy to so many people around you.

You, my darling, are someone we are extremely grateful for. Both you and Aarjav have made us stronger and better people and we are so happy to be your mama and dada.

Love 360

Mark was only days away from celebrating his 40th birthday and I had recently turned 35 when we tied the knot in front of our family members and our closest friends. We both agreed we were destined to be parents, and we were eager to settle down and start building a family of our own. However, we soon found out it would not be as easy as we thought. Doctors gently explained our infertility condition, and then suggested that we explore alternative avenues if we still wanted a baby.

Together we decided to take a pause and soak in the devastating news; we prayed and reached deep into our souls for an answer to our predicament. During that time, I had been looking at adoption as an option online and came across Bright Futures. Seeing the agency tied to the Kennedy name hit home with my Massachusetts Irish Catholic upbringing; I quickly shared it with Mark and together we agreed that adoption could be the right path to making our dream a reality.

Our intake with the agency director revived our spirits and sparked excitement once more in the possibility of becoming parents. I jumped in head first researching online and reading every book on adoption I could find. Mark patiently listened as I regurgitated my latest adoption findings and dutifully recorded the dates in his phone for our upcoming home study and training schedule. But he confessed he couldn’t shake one question looming over his head: could he and a baby born to another set of parents be able to bond with one another?

It wasn’t even two whole months after we completed our adoption training with Bright Futures that we got the call. Another agency in Massachusetts had a birth family from Florida looking for a couple to adopt their two-month-old baby boy and they were looking for a potential match. Karen reviewed the birth family’s request and quickly referred Mark and me over to the other agency. Our profile book was overnighted to the family, and a couple of days later we were on the phone with the birth parents. We discussed our families, our likes/dislikes, jobs, and why we were adopting. The birth mother even brought up naming the baby. We shared the name “James” with her, and she requested that they would like “Israel” to be his middle name. The conversation was effortless, and we ended up talking for over an hour! Karen called the next day to deliver the news that the birth parents wanted us to raise James Israel! Mark and I had just enough time to pack our bags, do a Target run, and tell our bosses that we were flying out and needed to file for parental leave.

All of the anxiety and nervousness instantly melted away when we stepped into the Florida attorney’s office to meet the birth family face to face. It was like greeting old friends! The birth parents sat with their 4^th child on their left side and our soon to be son, James Israel, in a car seat on their right. Everyone exchanged hugs, and the transfer was a very happy occasion. In that instant we all became one big family, and the cherry on top was when James’ birth mother handed James to Mark for the first time and James instantly snuggled up to Mark’s chest. The unconditional bond of love exuding from both sides was evident.

We stayed in Florida for two weeks waiting for approval from both states to allow us to fly home. We used that time to bond with James and visited again with his birth parents and James’ older brothers who all signed notes in a picture book as a keepsake for James to read when he is older. We also created a private Facebook page to share his progress and milestones.

Back home now, James has settled in wonderfully. He’s the apple of everyone’s eye, and just turned one this past December (his birth parents gave him this bear!). We’ve shared many pictures, Facebook messages, text messages, and even had a few video calls with his birth family; we look forward to visiting once the pandemic is over. We value each other’s space, but it’s inevitable – we have become one awesome extended family, and connected in the center is James Israel, who is loved a full 360 degrees.

Our Hearts Are Full

When my husband and I first met in college, I remember us both saying we never wanted children. Of course, we were just too young and selfish to even wrap our heads around putting someone else’s wants or needs before our own. Fast forward 7 years and we are married, expecting our first child, rushing to buy a house because our little apartment would in no way be suitable for a child, completely terrified but beyond excited. For many years, we were totally happy with our little family and there wasn’t even a conversation about more children. But as our daughter got older, things changed.

In 2017, we moved to a new home in a new town and I remember saying to my husband, “I know now isn’t the right time but once we get settled, I would like to look into adopting a child.” Which I am almost certain was a comment he laughed at (lovingly, of course). Little did he know, for over a year I had been researching adoption, talking to a friend that had adopted and searching within my own heart over whether or not this would be a good idea for our family. Here’s what I knew: I knew there were kids out there that needed a home. I knew we had a pretty wonderful home and so much love to give. I knew our daughter would be the absolute best big sister ever. I knew there were some risks with adoption but they were risks I was willing to take. Most of all, I knew that that there was a little person out there that needed us almost as much as we needed them.

After over a year of pestering, and I am quite persistent, my husband agreed to explore adoption. I know he did this because he loves me and quite frankly, taking the adoption journey with me was the truest act of love. I am forever grateful that I have someone who loves me that much. He was not sold on a second child and even more so, not sold on adoption, but was willing to meet with Bright Futures and just listen. So we did exactly that. In spring/summer of 2018 we went to Bright Futures to meet with Karen and listened. She showed us photos of some of the children who had been placed with Bright Futures’ families and I remember seeing twin, African-American, baby boys; I was enchanted. We discussed the need for black and bi-racial adoptive families and it was one more check mark on my list of why we should move forward. There are many people who ignorantly think (through no fault of their own) that people adopt because they are “good people” when in reality, we adopt because we want a child and throughout the whole process find ways to justify why we are good enough for this child.

Moving forward in the process took some convincing for my husband but we agreed, one step at a time and we will see where this takes us. Luckily, there was a MAPP (Model Approach to Partnerships in Parenting) class in fall of 2018 which we attended and met someone who is now a really good friend (so it was a total win-win) and completed our home study by January 2019. I was convinced that we would be matched with a child almost immediately because we just kept hearing that there were so many children and things can happen fast, so I was ready. What I didn’t know was that the matching process is a process and you really do need to trust the process – it will lead you to exactly where you are meant to be. We thought we wanted a girl and knew we wanted young (0-3 years), and while I was willing to take on some risk, my husband was a little more hesitant. After a couple months of being presented with children – if I had to guess about 5-6 cases – Karen called with a little boy named Anthony. We had some reservations as he wasn’t legally free but we assessed the risk and decided he was more than worth it.

After disclosure, a transition, a few sleepless nights, a trial to terminate parental rights, what felt like constant visits from DCF and 15 months of waiting to adopt, we finalized the adoption of Anthony in August 2020. From the minute he showed up, barely walking into our home, nothing has felt so right. We somehow struck the jackpot and found this child who blesses us every single day with his incredible smile, unconditional love, amazing sense of humor, hilarious dance moves and a laugh that could bring you out of the worst mood in an instant. Every time I see our children cuddling on the couch or can hear my husband and Anthony in his room playing superheroes, it almost brings me to tears. We are so blessed.

Stella and the Joy of Clapping

In our lifetimes, we have experienced great progress in civil rights for same sex couples and, by the time we met in 2009, adoption was a possibility for us and something we knew we wanted to do together. Eight more years and a cross-country move to Massachusetts would pass before we actively began our adoption journey with Bright Futures. It’s now 2020, and our 6-month-old, Stella, has just learned to clap. This action is so simple, and at the same time fills us with joy that, at earlier points in our lives, we did not know if we would experience.

We immediately connected with the child-centered and long-term approach of Bright Futures. In the end, we waited only one year, though after meeting one family and potentially matching with a couple others, at times the year felt long. On a Monday in early July, we received a call from Karen that baby Stella had been born the day before. Immediately this alerted us that, after waiting a year without knowing when we would meet our child, things could move very quickly! Four days after that initial call–after meeting Stella’s birth mother, making many phone calls to family and friends, and a Target trip that seemed to bring up as many questions as items purchased–we brought Stella home.

Through this adoption process, we have learned and grown together as a couple and, now, as a family. In addition to our family in Massachusetts and around the country, this also includes Stella’s birth mother and all of the folks who made sure we had what we needed to bring baby Stella home (two-day shipping came in handy for anything else!). The first few months were mostly a blur of feedings, diaper changes and naps, with visitors and walks sprinkled in. More recently, as we’ve gotten into a more steady routine, and it has been amazing to see her personality emerge. At this moment, as Stella claps in her high chair and eats some of her first bites of real food, we wait to hear about a court date to finalize the adoption. Stella is our beautiful baby, and as her parents we can’t wait to see who she grows up to be.

Jameson's Open Adoption Story

When Kerri and Jim Barton first came to Bright Futures in 2013 to discuss forming a family through open adoption, Kerri recalls with a knowing smile, “we were terrified.” The couple was fine with the “adoption” part of the process, but they wondered what the concept of “open” would mean in real life.

“We just couldn’t wrap our heads around it,” says Kerri, 40, who is a nurse. “There was just so much doubt and we had so many questions. Would the baby truly be ours? What would the relationships with our child’s birth family be like, and could we handle it?”

Then, Kerri and Jim got the call that they had been selected by an expectant couple due very soon. They had the opportunity to meet and get to know Jameson’s birth parents and spend time together with them at the hospital. This time was precious time as all of his parents welcomed Jameson to the world together and talked about how they wanted to be in touch with one another after Jameson’s placement.

That was then. This is now:

“We love the fact that we have an open adoption and genuinely believe it’s the best thing for everyone, especially our son.” That’s Jameson, who was born in January 2014 and was officially placed into their family just a few days later. “I think people who are afraid of open adoption or are even just concerned about it don’t really understand it,” says Kerri. “We didn’t, that’s for sure.”

Jim, a 45-year-old plumber, explains that two things changed their minds. First, right from the start, Bright Futures provided education and counseling that dispelled the myths and stereotypes they’d had coming into the process. Second, and most important, the relationships they have formed with Jameson’s birth mother, Kayla, and her grandparents, Wilma and Mike, have been so positive and enriching that – rather than being fearful – they are grateful. “We love that they’re in our lives and the life of our son,” he says.

The Bartons take Jameson to spend time with Kayla twice a year and stay in touch with her in-between visits with regular phone calls, text messages and photos. They all view themselves as members of an extended family, and expect that their contact will grow over time.

“We’re not looking at this through rose-colored glasses. Open adoption can be complicated, but that’s not a negative – it’s just the truth,” says Kerri. “But we love the honesty of it, and we love the extended family it has given all of us, most of all our son. We wouldn’t want it any other way.”

Cameron's Open Adoption Story

Alexis Bristol is African American and Native American. Her husband, Rabby, is Dominican and Haitian. Their histories and heritages are very important to them. “We’re very proud of our ethnicities and want to be sure they’re part of who we are as a family,” she explains.

So, when they decided that adoption was the way they wanted to have a second child – their first son, Eli, was 8 at the time – they did their homework. Alexis, a software project manager, and Rabby, a software engineer, researched agency after agency in search of one that was not just welcoming of families of color, but also treated adoption as the complex process that it is for everyone concerned and “not as a transaction.”

Those criteria ultimately brought them to Bright Futures, through which they adopted a newborn named Cameron in October 2012. Cameron’s mother, Madelin Cueto, is Dominican – and one big reason she chose the Bristols as her baby’s new parents was that heritage is very important to her, too.

“You have to think about what’s best for the child in every way. That has to be the first thing,” says Madelin, who lives north of Boston and works in retail. She describes her placement of Cameron for adoption as “the hardest thing I have ever done,” but stresses that she does not regret her decision because she was not in a position to care for him at the time and feels strongly that his new family “will give him the life that he deserves.”

Madelin also says that having an open adoption is critical to her ability to deal with the sometimes-difficult emotions she still feels about the choice she made. Without the regular pictures and emails from the Bristols and, most vitally, without the periodic time she gets to spend with Cameron, she says she doesn’t know how she could cope and try to heal. Perhaps most of all, she wants to be able to tell Cameron that she loves him, to be part of his life and, over time, to develop a relationship between him and his two sisters, whom Madelin is raising.

Nurturing their own connections with Madelin and her daughters, as well as Cameron’s relationship with them, is a priority for Alexis and Rabby as well. While the Bristols readily acknowledge there are emotional complexities in making this happen, Alexis says that on the flip side, “open adoption means more people love our son and more people are part of our family. Both those things are positives in Cameron’s life and in ours, so it’s well worth working through any hurdles if we encounter them.”

One additional benefit of ongoing contact with Cameron’s birth relatives is that “it removes the question marks,” adds Rabby, because his son will always be able to find out about his background by asking the person who knows the most about it: the woman who brought him into the world. “Hopefully,” he says, this will lessen any issues about “who am I and where did I come from” as Cameron gets older.

Beyond the benefits they see for themselves and their children, the Bristols hope the way they chose to expand their family sends a bigger, broader message. “There doesn’t have to be a cultural loss for the child, and there doesn’t have to be a loss of legacy for the birth family,” says Alexis. “I would love for ethnic families to know that, to be more receptive to the dynamic of open adoption.”

Stephen's Reflection

“I don’t know what you will have seen, or what you will have heard. I don’t know what your laughter will sound like or what will make you sad. I don’t know how long you have been waiting nor do I know where you are. All I know right now, is that I want to know” (An entry from my letters to my future child)

It was a three year process for me, beginning on a ride to my local YMCA. As I waited for the red light to turn green an unexplained question came to my mind, Why have you never thought about adoption? The thought was unprompted, and unexpected. The thought turned into another thought later that night and then became a prayer. The prayer turned into an internet inquiry: “Adoption as a single dad”. The online search turned into a conversation with a friend and my family. Those conversations took me to a network where I discovered a path that was very much laid out before me.

September 2016, almost one year since that thought, I found myself sitting in Bright Futures learning about adoption and the plethora of intricate pieces that go along with it. Feelings of excitement coupled with fear and self-doubt. Is this crazy? Should I really do this? Despite these necessarily intrusive questions, my conviction was formidable enough to acknowledge and honor the fear, and to let it fall away.

My life changed that February, 2 years ago. As I left work on a Friday I received a profile of a boy, smiling with rosy cheeks and Olaf pajamas. His arms were crossed on the table in front of him as he leaned forward looking into the camera. This sweet three year old boy, I was informed, needed a home. Having envisioned the child who I would adopt countless times, I had always foreseen an older child. I had told myself that raising a toddler as a single person was far too difficult so should not even be considered. However, the moment I saw this photograph, those preoccupations ceased and the feelings of curiosity and joy arose in my heart. Could I do this? I found my answer once again in prayer, reflection and conversation. I can do this, and I will do this.

Marcus came to me on April 1^st of 2016. Our two-year journey has been rooted in discovery of who the other is, while growing together as a new family. Adoption Day, November 16, 2018 was a day of confirmation. It was confirmation that the thought I had at the red light three years ago was divine. It was confirmation that the swell of my heart when I saw his photograph for the first time meant I was looking at my future son.

A Birth Mother’s Story

Adoption is Beautiful

As the new family [is] happy and joyful, the birth parents are left to go home emotionally empty and in an indescribable pain, with anger and questioning if they made the right decision. I can’t even begin to explain to you the feeling of giving birth to your baby, to only spend 48 hours in the hospital with [the baby] and then give [the baby] a kiss goodbye and walk down the hallway, press the elevator button glancing over to get one more peek with tear filled eyes, while you leave your newborn with a new family you have met only a few times. For my adoption I chose to have my son’s parents in the room when I delivered him so they could have an IMMEDIATE bond with him. And his mom even cut his umbilical cord.

Today, I have an AMAZING relationship with his family and they have become my family. I couldn’t imagine him NOT having them as his parents. I am not that sad person I was in the hospital 10 years ago when I pressed that elevator button and gave that last glance. I am POSITIVE that God used me to carry their gift to them and deliver their son right to their door step. He’s a beautiful little boy. And this wasn’t a one-sided decision. His birth father prayed on it [and] we did [it] together to make sure we were making the right decision. Even if we knew we couldn’t raise our baby, it’s just an instinct that naturally we WANTED TO, but we just couldn’t!

This was a decision that I made on my own with the child’s father because I knew at the time I could not raise the baby due to personal circumstances at that time. Depending on the circumstances, eventually the pain turns into acceptance of the decisions that were made out of unconditional love and selflessness. The beautiful life that was given to the child — to a new family — to know that the love that the child is receiving is UNCONDITIONAL is enough to heal any wounds or doubts I had from the beginning. And to know that I have blessed a whole entire family is something that makes my heart whole. ADOPTION IS BEAUTIFUL!

I’m Pregnant

Child Is Here

Heather’s Adoption Story

From early in our relationship Bob and I knew we wanted to be parents. I had experience with adoption and knew I had medical issues that may make pregnancy difficult, so the idea was something I had thought a lot about. Bob took a little longer to get there, but after 5 years and 8 failed IVF cycles and countless procedures and tests, we were both ready. We just wanted to love a child and be parents.

Our first child came to us late one Sunday night through “the call” from Bright Futures. Harper had been born already and her birth mother had chosen us. This was after a long weekend with Bob’s high school friends and about 12 children in our house with so much chaos that we joked we could wait a little longer for kids. We met Harper’s birthmother a few days later and she introduced us to the baby. We went the following morning to pick her up after a dizzying trip to Babies R Us where we walked around like zombies having no idea what we needed for this new little one. As soon as we saw her, she was ours in every sense and our family fell in love as quickly as we did. There was some legal risk in the situation, but we never questioned having her home with us from day one and having that bonding time with her.

When Harper was around a year, we began to explore adopting a second child. We started the process because we were told a second child could take longer than the first. We had waited 14 months for Harper and we didn’t want the kids to be too far apart in age. Little did we know our wait would be much shorter than we thought! Just five months after submitting our paperwork, we got the call again from Bright Futures late on Saturday night that a birthmother had chosen us and she was being induced that night. At this point we did not know much else, not even if the baby was a boy or a girl. James was born the next day. His birth mother had used drugs throughout her pregnancy so he had to medically withdraw. We live an hour and half from where he was born and drove back and forth from the hospital every day so that we could spend time with both children. This was by far the hardest month of our lives. It was so hard to be away from both of them and to watch this poor innocent little boy endure the difficult withdrawal process. We were so happy when we finally got to bring him home and have our family of four under one roof and the children could begin to bond with one another. We were fortunate enough to meet James’ birth mother too and both children have pictures of their birth mothers holding them displayed in their rooms. James’ birth mother is not ready to have direct ongoing contact with us and Harper’s birth mother communicates through social media for now. It is important to us that Harper and James have access to and know their birth families, but right now this is where everyone is comfortable with contact and we’ll have to see how it evolves.

We have never looked back after making the decision to adopt and feel that both of these children were meant to be ours. Harper was born on Bob’s dad’s birthday and James was born the day after Heather’s grandfather’s birthday, who he’s named after. They are the absolute joy of our lives and no question 100% ours. We wouldn’t change a thing.

How I Became A Mom

Right now, James is asleep in his crib. There are toys all over the floor and another load of laundry is chugging away. We have been a family for just over a year, even if only in our hearts as we await hearing when our finalization court date will be. Though James is already two years old, our journey to meeting him started before he was even born.

Early in our relationship, Jason and I had talked about adoption. We were young, healthy, and considered adoption a choice we would make after growing our family biologically. After years of failed infertility procedures and multiple late miscarriages, I was physically and emotionally exhausted. We wondered if we would ever grow our family. I wondered if I wasn’t meant to be a mother.

When we discussed adoption again, this time with a different mindset, we asked ourselves why did we need to wait? After looking at a lot of pictures of waiting children online and completing a fair amount of research, we met with Karen and Bright Futures in March 2015 to discuss our hope to adopt through the state. Though we had to rent a car for each visit to Acton, we knew after meeting Karen that Bright Futures was the right agency for us. We completed the pre-adoptive parent training in June 2015 and I started a two year graduate program in August. We worked away at our home study and completed it in January 2016. By the end of the month, our social worker had emailed us with a name.

Through March 2016, there were four children who were presented to us and four times we discussed together that we would put our names in the running. Four times we were told that we wouldn’t be matched, not even moved on to a disclosure meeting. As I started to get ready for my summer internship in Chicago, we put a halt on our search, waiting to start again when Jason and I would be back in the same city. Right before I left, Jodi took over as our social worker. Then I was away for three months. More waiting, but now it wasn’t waiting for the phone to ring; it was waiting for time to pass.

Upon returning to Boston, in September 2016 we learned about another child. There were so many reasons to believe that this time we had a match! I remember where I was, at a classmate’s house working on a group project, when I got the call that we were not chosen. We have a dog and even though the child did not have a dog allergy, there were other allergies involved and the team thought the risk was too high. Once again, I wondered if motherhood just wasn’t meant for me.

Then in October I was at school when Jodi called me about a one-year-old. He was in a foster home that was always meant to be temporary though he had spent most of his life there. There was legal risk, but we had learned that there always seems to be risk of one kind or another, and we moved along with the disclosure meeting before the month was over. We met our son in November, and he came home in December 2016, right in the middle of finals week.

As with other legal risk cases, biological relatives were involved and investigations were completed. Legal risk in a case like this is bittersweet—James was in our hearts now, but we could understand his biological family fighting to get him back. We met his biological mother in May and in June 2017, six months after placement, we took a breath, went to court, and James was legally freed for adoption.

Now here we are, at the start of 2018. In just over a year, we have traveled across the country three times to see extended family, James has attended two different daycare centers, and Jason and I are still figuring out this whole first-time parent thing. This March will mark the three-year point from when we officially “started” this journey with Bright Futures, and we may still not be finalized by then. But at this point, we are at peace with that. We have been patient, moving through disappointment and fear as well as excitement and joy. While we still have worry of what could happen, we know that the time we have had with James is a gift. I still question my mothering skills, especially when James is bawling on the floor (likely because he can’t have an endless supply of fruit snacks), but in these moments, I take a deep breath and smile. I may not have a piece of paper to say it, but I am a mom.