Birth Mother Stories
Crystal’s Story
In late 2021, Crystal was a 20-year-old young woman who was pregnant with her first child, a baby boy. She contacted Bright Futures looking for information on adoption and was connected with one of our adoption counselors. When
asked why she was considering adoption for her baby, Crystal explained that she wanted her child to have the kind of life she wished she had. She had struggles throughout her own childhood and felt that in her current situation she couldn’t provide her son with the stability, consistency and healthy environment that she knew he deserved. Furthermore, due to instability in her relationship with the father of her child, she felt that they wouldn’t be able to be a strong parental unit. There was no doubt that Crystal loved her son, and that love is what motivated her to move forward in creating an adoption plan.
One of the most crucial steps in Crystal’s journey was choosing an adoptive family. Crystal was provided several adoptive family profiles, and she carefully reviewed each of them. When she found L and B’s profile, she says that she was instantly drawn to them. She admired that they were very family oriented, had lots of support from their extended family and shared her own values. She says that although the other families all seemed lovely, she didn’t feel the “click” she felt with L and B. She felt eager to meet them and, when they learned about Crystal, L and B were also very eager to meet her.
Crystal, L and B met while Crystal was pregnant, and they seemingly did click right away. They shared many of the same interests and values, and naturally connected in a way that we often see in the matching process. As a birth parent counselor, I marvel in watching expectant parents and adoptive families meet; each person coming with their own anxieties and fears, and slowly watching that melt away once they begin to connect on all different sorts of topics, from shared pet names to obsessions over Star Wars. By the end of their first meeting, Crystal, L and B were laughing, sharing stories, and planning to meet again.
Not long after their first meeting, Crystal gave birth to a precious baby boy who they named Jackson. At Crystal’s request, L and B were present at Jackson’s birth and involved in caring for Jackson during his hospital stay, and all of them were able to experience the joy of his arrival and first days together. Since then, their relationship has grown stronger. Crystal describes her relationship with L and B as “inclusive”. They text often about various things such as Jackson’s development, his interests and activities, his clothes and what makes him laugh. Crystal receives numerous pictures of him, which she treasures. Crystal shared that whenever she is having an emotionally hard day, she will let L know, and without hesitation, L sends extra pictures and videos of Jackson to cheer her up. Crystal particularly enjoys when L sends a video of Jackson laughing because in her own words, “Who doesn’t smile at a baby laughing? It’s contagious!” Crystal also sends the family videos or links of things that she would love to see Jackson try, and they are incredibly receptive. This makes Crystal feel involved and validated.
Though it seems like Crystal’s experience reads as beautiful and full of joy, Crystal wants others to know how emotional and difficult it is. She described making an adoption plan for Jackson as the hardest decision she has ever had to make, but for her and Jackson, she says it was the best decision. She feels comfort in knowing that Jackson now has a large, loving family who will give him “the best life”. In creating this adoption plan with L and B, she has also become a part of their family. They just gathered to celebrate Jackson’s first Christmas, and Crystal shared how special she felt when L and B gave her gifts they knew she would like. It was a small reminder that she made the right choice in choosing L and B to raise Jackson.
Adoption is Beautiful
As the new family [is] happy and joyful, the birth parents are left to go home emotionally empty and in an indescribable pain, with anger and questioning if they made the right decision. I can’t even begin to explain to you the feeling of giving birth to your baby, to only spend 48 hours in the hospital with [the baby] and then give [the baby] a kiss goodbye and walk down the hallway, press the elevator button glancing over to get one more peek with tear filled eyes, while you leave your newborn with a new family you have met only a few times. For my adoption I chose to have my son’s parents in the room when I delivered him so they could have an IMMEDIATE bond with him. And his mom even cut his umbilical cord.
Today, I have an AMAZING relationship with his family and they have become my family. I couldn’t imagine him NOT having them as his parents. I am not that sad person I was in the hospital 10 years ago when I pressed that elevator button and gave that last glance. I am POSITIVE that God used me to carry their gift to them and deliver their son right to their door step. He’s a beautiful little boy. And this wasn’t a one-sided decision. His birth father prayed on it [and] we did [it] together to make sure we were making the right decision. Even if we knew we couldn’t raise our baby, it’s just an instinct that naturally we WANTED TO, but we just couldn’t!
This was a decision that I made on my own with the child’s father because I knew at the time I could not raise the baby due to personal circumstances at that time. Depending on the circumstances, eventually the pain turns into acceptance of the decisions that were made out of unconditional love and selflessness. The beautiful life that was given to the child — to a new family — to know that the love that the child is receiving is UNCONDITIONAL is enough to heal any wounds or doubts I had from the beginning. And to know that I have blessed a whole entire family is something that makes my heart whole. ADOPTION IS BEAUTIFUL!
A Special Fall Day and a Reason to Give Thanks!
In mid-October, Bright Futures received a call from a local hospital asking for help for a couple who delivered a baby that morning. The couple did not know that they were pregnant and were shocked to find that the abdominal pain the woman was experiencing when she came to the emergency room was labor. A few hours later, she had the baby, asking the hospital staff not to disclose the gender of the child. The couple immediately asked for support in thinking about their parenting options. They were already parenting a toddler and were not sure if they could financially or emotionally support a second child for whom they felt unprepared. The birth mom chose to leave the hospital the same day.
During the remainder of the baby’s hospital stay, one of Bright Futures’ interim care moms spent time visiting with and holding the baby. She even decided to give her the name “Autumn” after the gorgeous fall day of her birth. Bright Futures provided counseling and support and loving, interim care for the baby while the parents considered their options. When the hospital called initially, Bright Futures was told that the parents did not want to be involved in the adoption process at all. After learning about the option of selecting an adoptive family for their child, though, the couple did want to do this. They looked at information about several families before selecting a couple that they felt could give their baby all she deserved. They were especially pleased that the family had other adopted children in their extended family and had travelled to interesting places. They balanced their sadness about not being able to care for their second child with the knowledge that they were blessing another family with the opportunity to become parents and providing their child with opportunities that they themselves could not.
The birth parents were given the option of meeting and spending time getting to know the family they selected, but chose not to do so. They are aware that they can do this at any time when they feel ready. Recently, they chose to learn the gender of the baby and to see pictures of her. The day they received the pictures, birth mom called to say how much more at peace she was with their decision seeing a photograph of her daughter. As they have more time to process this experience, we expect that they will choose to meet the adoptive parents and baby as well. As an open adoption agency, we educate birth and adoptive parents about the benefits of getting to know and respect one another and building a lifelong relationship for the benefit of the child. We also recognize that sometimes it takes time.
Autumn’s adoptive parents were overjoyed to welcome her into their lives and have already written a letter to her birth parents inviting them into a relationship whenever they are ready. As we approach Thanksgiving, no one is more thankful than these adoptive parents for the gift of their precious Autumn.
